Category Archives: sex

story of my love life

yeah…… i know the dysfunction of my masochistic tendencies


The Prick Cushion



post on Crafty Bastards vendor favorites coming up soon.

‘it’s just a little prick’. this was the most memorable one that made me wish I was a more capable sewer in need of a pin cushion. they also sell girlie bits, bacon bits and zombies on their website or etsy.

when is sex done?


RealityHealthCheck: How do You Tell When Women Are Done With Sex?


at first, it seems like an easy: sex is over when the male ejaculates. that’s certainly the answer the mainstream media subscribes to -> i’m not even referring to porn, but soap operas, ‘adult’ shows, and anything coming-of-age related. this was a discussion DF and i had frequently, and perhaps part of the reason why i’ m still attached to him -> i’ve never been able to have such an honest talk with anyone else.  for him, male ejaculation declaringsex to be over was the biggest fallacy, and we had a very open exchange of pain/pleasure and animalism/human. but the female orgasm is a tricky thing. and the concept that sex ends with orgasm may be even trickier or more complex to articulate.

But often enough in your sex life, you’ll probably find that reaching orgasm once, for you or your partner, doesn’t automatically turn off your or their desire for more sex or other kinds of physical intimacy.

the quest for multiple orgasms seems to be the trophy prize at the end of a sexual conquest, some people think one orgasm: gold medal. multiple orgasms: the stanley cup. but its really to each its own. as Heather Corinna writemeg1s, much more eloquently in her post, sex is more than the physical, but about the parties involved verbalizing what each wants: whether they are satisfied or want to continue for more. maybe the intensity of the first is all you need, or maybe the push for multiple orgasms is for the sole pleasure of one partner. this, of course, can get convoluted by the faking of orgasms, you only have to watch When Harry Met Sally to see how easy it is.

Sometimes, we just aren’t connecting enough physically or emotionally to continue with sex, we get distracted and lose the mood, or just aren’t feeling well or energetic, even if we really wanted to be sexual at first.

i’ve been trying to separate the emotional from the physical in sex b/c i’ve been on the receiving end of ‘no emotional attachment’ so many times, as much as i know i’m setting myself up for pain and failure, i’m determined to be the person who seeks sex out for personal physical pleasure (the 3 P’s!). what i’ve written above about the importance of connecting during sex isn’t contrary to my mission but rather demonstrates why i’ve been having a hard time making it happen. maybe i watch too many romantic comedies and/or maybe i haven’t slept around enough. drunken hookups are a whole other bag. i don’t expect romantic, long relationships from sleeping with someone, i think my fault is i want at least a friendship. we’ve shared this intimate moment, and no matter how raw or animalistic it was, at the end, we’re still human so let’s at least acknowledge what happened. i ‘m the girl who still expects a phone call the next day. 


kenyan women institute sex ban


BBC article: Kenyan women hit men with sex ban



looking at the last two post and now this, i’ve got sex on the mind. come to think of it, i wouldn’t mind devoting this entire blog to sex – the culture, how to, how not to, my lack of it, etc. but this post has more to do with than just sex… or actually i guess it doesn’t. if anything, the women’s activist groups are more hoping the kenyan unity party government will stop fighting under the subtext that ‘they did it all for the nookie’ (oh, limp bizkit – how pop culturally relevant you are). at first, i thought this ban was an interesting move in demonstrating the power women can possess over men, like that phrase “behind every good man is a woman” – i think that talks specifically about men in power, whether it be business or government.

wouldn’t it be great if the government infighting really did stop after the week-long sex ban, especially if the wives of the PM and President join in. but wait – what’s to stop these men from just getting their need for ass somewhere else? a politician sleeping around with people other than their spouses is nothing new. the women’s activist groups say they will pay prostitutes to abide by the ban, as well. but surely there are more women in kenya that aren’t the wives of politicians or prostitutes that might still be intrigued and willing to sleep with a married government man.

Jimi Izrael of The Root brings up a good point that this ban may have ‘women’s empowerment’ written on it, we’re almost going backwards to tarzan/neanderthal thinking that men are ruled by their penises. Does one withholding sex really motivate the partner to get their shit together? kelly moore argues it has the opposite effect and can be more damaging in the long-run, perhaps that’s why this ban is only supposed to last a week. but sex is one of the enjoyable parts of being a human being, can we really say we are above physically needing it because we are now ‘sophisticated’, ‘advanced’, and ‘developed’ people with better things to do?

may is national maturbation month




May is the month of many things: flowers, Asian Pacific American Heritage, Jewish American Heritage, Mental Health Awareness, Bike-to-Work Day, Better Sleep Month, Date Your Mate Month, National Waitresses/Waiters Day, National Hamburger Month,  Mother’s Day, Memorial Day… and now to add to the list National Masturbation Month. this is something i can actively support. everybody can use more loving, even especially self-loving.

to help you get inspired, if you aren’t already….

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “May is National Masturbation Month“, posted with vodpod

having sex on earth day



instead of just recycling or planting a tree this Earth Day, think about not having sex. because that pleasurable act of human nature can lead to babies, and there are already too damn many of us. <- this type of rhetoric drives me insane. yes there are lots of problems here, compounded by the fact that most are human-created, so let’s not add more to the mix. but too often this rhetoric falls into the territory of “it’s the poor people – they shouldn’t procreate, they are causing all the damage”.  birth control has a double-edged sword – it can be liberating and (i hate to use it but…) oppressing. but moreover, the concept of birth is about access – to the physical pills themselves, to the information about the different forms of birth control, and to the concept of family planning.

it is becoming harder and harder to compromise with the logic of overpopulation harms the earth. this point of contention is making it difficult for the reproductive rights and environmental movements, however progressive they may individually be, to ally with each other. if you talk about actively promoting family planning and birth control as a means of population control [environmental movement – Malthus, Ehrlich], there is the danger of discriminating against the poor, and underprivileged – those without access. similarly, you cannot promote family planning and birth control as the ultimate liberator without considering who you are targeting.

i agree that the human-made global warming is having quite an effect on our planet, and adding more people at an exorbitant rate won’t help the matter, however we also need to be looking at the people living here now: how can we reduce consumption or our ‘carbon footprint’? i am nowhere near reconciling or coming to a conclusion to end this physical and sociological fight. i will say that touting abstinence as a form of birth control to help save the earth is logical, but not entirely reasonable. despite the overseeing and overarching umbrellas of religion or global warming, people will continue to have sex – we are too wrapped up in fufilling and enjoying our carnal desires, often so much so many of us probably don’t even know or realize or care that it’s Earth Day.