gossip detox

recipient:

Meyer and Associates/18 Washington Avenue/Chatham, NJ 07928-9903

sent:

Gossip Detox: 12 steps for reclaiming your life from tabloids, article in the now defunct JANE magazine.

  1. I admit that I’m powerless over gossip and the constant onslaught of TMZ, US Weekly and even CNN (the Celebrity News Network). I recognize that these “news” outlets aren’t going to slow in their gossip coverage anytime soon, so I must gain control of my own consumption.
  2. In doing so, I will avoid trigger places – like nail salons, and long grocery checkout lines
  3. I will look to higher powers, such as This American Life’s Ira Glass, PBS newsman Jim Lehrer and Christiane Amanpour (who recently got a Smith honorary degree)
  4. If I do find myself on People.com, I will close the window, admit my mistake, and not follow up with a dose of Hollyscoop or Defamer
  5. I will take a searching moral inventory of the powerlessness I feel in my own life that makes me enjoy judging Paris, Lindsay and Britney
  6. I will admit that a paparazzo disguising himself to photograph a celebrity is a stalker, and that when I look at those photos, I become a stalking accomplice
  7. I will humbly ask that my roommate watch E! True Hollywood Story in her own room
  8. I will make a list of persons I have wronged with inane questions like, “How on earth does Wilmer Valderamma get all those hot girls?”
  9. Then I will make amends to those people however possible, using conversation starters like, “So, what’s your carbon footprint?” instead
  10. I will seek a sponsor, prefereably one with a degree in 18th century literature or medieval studies
  11. I will seek, through meditation and online chess game, the consciousness that is required to pay attention to things like art festivals and gallery openings rather than what shower gifts Jennifer Garner received, or how much Ashlee Simpson’s nose job cost
  12. Guided by this spiritual awakening, I will start my own Website devoted to gossip about politicians, religious leaders, and the entire royal bloodline of Austria – but haven’t we gotten to a point where politicians and religious leaders are just as much tabloid fodder as are the movie stars?

who hasn’t seen this picture?

reasoning:

ah, celebrity gossip. no matter how intellectual, cultural, or technologically advanced, modern societies and countries can’t seem to get away from gossip and people who are famous for just being famous.  I don’t watch Entertainment Tonight or the Insider, I don’t buy Star or UsWeekly, but yet I know about J.Lo’s twin pregnancy, and Katie Holmes’ new haircut.  WHY?!?!  somehow even those 3 minutes in the checkout line, you can absorb so much information just from simple headlines.  some have protested against why celebrities get so much attention, if we stopped buying into those media outlets, then even the paparazzi would have to stop staking out their apartments, restaurants and all the hot clubs.  the paparazzi/celebrity culture is ridiculous, from both sides : the celebrities, and the cameraman, tabloids, and readers who pursue them.  Princess Diana is a good example. sadness.   while I don’t actively go out to seek the gossip, it’s all around, and difficult to avoid. as much as i hate it, i’ve also provided links to those very gossip websites and blogs. too alluring… can’t stay away.

i like the replacement therapy suggestions, some substitutes for your gossip vices:

I guess the ultimate advice is to get your own life, go out, do you own thing, and all the focus and concentration on how “celebrities” live their lives, will fall to the wayside.  semi-satirical/semi-truthful, oh how I will miss JANE magazine so.

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