ex-boyfriend jewelry

recipient:

American Express/ P.O. Box 31511/Salt Lake City, UT 84131-9934

sent:

Philadelphia Inquirer article “Bye-bye to boyfriend and bling” written by Frank Visco

reasoning:

better than setting up a bonfire in the woods by yourself and throwing all of the stuff he gave you that was “cute” into it. here at Ex-Boyfriend Jewelry: “You don’t want it, he can’t have it back”, you can sell the jewelry given to you from previous relationships and tell the stories or reasons of why you are no longer together. unlike the pawn or consignment shops, the website does not take a big chunk of the profit for itself. Ex-Boyfriend Jewelry is almost like a support group for the broken-hearted. it’s almost comforting to know you aren’t the only person who has been cheated on recently, though it may feel like it.  mostly geared towards women in heterosexual relationships, there is a section where men can sell jewelry remnants of old loves, as well.

these Tiffany Elsa Peretti Open Heart earrings for $150 seem particularly covetous. it also comes in a pretty Tiffany teal envelope! why is she selling? “he pretty much promised me the world and didn’t come through for me. But now I have a fantastic new boyfriend… So, I’m selling the old jewelry to make room for the new jewelry!”Other memorable lines: “he was lazy, cheap, and a piece of crap, obviously he must go”, “same old same old”, “all my exes have been idiots”, “need to pay the bills…”

the section on engagement rings is particularly heartbreaking.

gossip detox

recipient:

Meyer and Associates/18 Washington Avenue/Chatham, NJ 07928-9903

sent:

Gossip Detox: 12 steps for reclaiming your life from tabloids, article in the now defunct JANE magazine.

1. I admit that I’m powerless over gossip and the constant onslaught of TMZ, US Weekly and even CNN (the Celebrity News Network). I recognize that these “news” outlets aren’t going to slow in their gossip coverage anytime soon, so I must gain control of my own consumption.
2. In doing so, I will avoid trigger places – like nail salons, and long grocery checkout lines
3. I will look to higher powers, such as This American Life’s Ira Glass, PBS newsman Jim Lehrer and Christiane Amanpour (who recently got a Smith honorary degree)
4. If I do find myself on People.com, I will close the window, admit my mistake, and not follow up with a dose of Hollyscoop or Defamer
5. I will take a searching moral inventory of the powerlessness I feel in my own life that makes me enjoy judging Paris, Lindsay and Britney
6. I will admit that a paparazzo disguising himself to photograph a celebrity is a stalker, and that when I look at those photos, I become a stalking accomplice
7. I will humbly ask that my roommate watch E! True Hollywood Story in her own room
8. I will make a list of persons I have wronged with inane questions like, “How on earth does Wilmer Valderamma get all those hot girls?”
9. Then I will make amends to those people however possible, using conversation starters like, “So, what’s your carbon footprint?” instead
10. I will seek a sponsor, prefereably one with a degree in 18th century literature or medieval studies
11. I will seek, through meditation and online chess game, the consciousness that is required to pay attention to things like art festivals and gallery openings rather than what shower gifts Jennifer Garner received, or how much Ashlee Simpson’s nose job cost
12. Guided by this spiritual awakening, I will start my own Website devoted to gossip about politicians, religious leaders, and the entire royal bloodline of Austria – but haven’t we gotten to a point where politicians and religious leaders are just as much tabloid fodder as are the movie stars?

who hasn’t seen this picture?

reasoning:

ah, celebrity gossip. no matter how intellectual, cultural, or technologically advanced, modern societies and countries can’t seem to get away from gossip and people who are famous for just being famous.  I don’t watch Entertainment Tonight or the Insider, I don’t buy Star or UsWeekly, but yet I know about J.Lo’s twin pregnancy, and Katie Holmes’ new haircut.  WHY?!?!  somehow even those 3 minutes in the checkout line, you can absorb so much information just from simple headlines.  some have protested against why celebrities get so much attention, if we stopped buying into those media outlets, then even the paparazzi would have to stop staking out their apartments, restaurants and all the hot clubs.  the paparazzi/celebrity culture is ridiculous, from both sides : the celebrities, and the cameraman, tabloids, and readers who pursue them.  Princess Diana is a good example. sadness.   while I don’t actively go out to seek the gossip, it’s all around, and difficult to avoid. as much as i hate it, i’ve also provided links to those very gossip websites and blogs. too alluring… can’t stay away.

i like the replacement therapy suggestions, some substitutes for your gossip vices:

• “stars… They’re just like us” -> Harper’s Index
• The Insider -> Thirty-minute phone call to Grandma
• Perez Hilton -> Scrabble
• Angelina Jolie -> Charity work, like saving a super cute puppy

I guess the ultimate advice is to get your own life, go out, do you own thing, and all the focus and concentration on how “celebrities” live their lives, will fall to the wayside.  semi-satirical/semi-truthful, oh how I will miss JANE magazine so.

all useless

Recipient:

TIME/ PO Box 61120/Tampa, FL 33661-1120

Sent:

List of useless facts I found on the ground

• Giraffes and rats can last longer without water than camels
• the dot over the letter “i” is called a tittle
• The ZIP in “ZIP code” means Zoning Improvement Plan.
• John Wilkes Booth’s brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln’s son.
• Slugs have four noses.
• By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
• China has more English speakers than the United States.
• Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

Reasoning:

After a finals week from hell, my last one ever, I’m relaxing like never before in a quaint little summer house in Newport, RI, spending ridiculous amounts of money on seafood, drinking all the cheap beer I can, and sleeping on the beach. I still have a 5 pg to write for my Amherst Human Rights class, but after writing over 40 pgs for my other classes, i think i can handle that. hopefully.

I’m in such a ridiculously lazy mode that I dont think i can do anything academic anymore, as much as I do love and enjoy it when I am… thus, list of useless knowledge.

i’ve sent it to TIME magazine b/c maybe the person on the other side will get a chuckle out of it. and though their paths may never meet, maybe he/she could pass this list onto Joel Stein who could write an amazing op-ed piece on the cheesy commodity and joy we find in lists, especially lists of useless facts.

i heart joel stein. he recently wrote an op-ed piece called “my taco with tancredo” that describes his lunch interview with congressman Tom Tancredo from Colorado, who recently tried to run for President, but had to drop out early from the race because his only platform was anti-immigration. he hates illegal mexican immigrants, but he loves having mexican food.

apparently even republicans are complex and contradictions. i’m sure joel stein could do something genius with giraffes, john wilkes booth’s brother, and quicksand.

paris hilton’s day at the office

recipient:

American Express/P.O. Box 31511/Salt Lake City, UT 84131-9934

sent:

fake Hilton Hotel Honors American Express card my father received in the mail.

along with an application for the card with the information and address

Paris Hilton/P.O. Box 9003/Addison, TX 75001-9003

reasoning:

get it? get it? i sent the american express company’s hilton hotel honors division an application from paris hilton, herself. ok, well paris hilton working from the customer service desk of her heir empire. when the sietch blog suggested using the no postage required envelopes to send stuff back to the spamming corporations, one reader suggested that this can be done with catalogs as well. you call the catalog company to change your address, and you can either reroute it to another catalog company, or even more cleverly back to the company you are calling – either due to outsourcing or cluelessness on the part of the customer service representative.

so here, i thought it’d be somewhat amusing to have it seem like paris hilton went to her dad’s work one day (like she would ever be caught dead behind a computer, with a headset in her ears…), the customer service division that works with american express, the one situated in Addision, TX and decided as a practical joke to apply for one of their credit cards. not that she would need more – what do you think paris hilton’s credit limit is??!? so paris hilton signs up for an american express “hilton hhonors” card and sends it in, but doesn’t want the person on the other end to catch on that it’s her, and then think that they have her address, and consequently sell it to paparazzi or save it to stalk her, themselves, so she uses the exact same address of the customer service PO box that she is working/writing from. the application goes out in the mail, travels all over the united states, only to land back in the place where it was sent from. a guy who graduated from University of Chicago but has been unsuccessfully in keeping a steady job, and has taken up the night shift with American Express to supplement his ever-increasing need for crack, overlooks that the application says “Paris Hilton” and the address is the very same box he took the envelope out of in the first place. paris hilton gets a credit card issued to her, but its sent to the place that issued it, they don’t realize their mistake until they get it in the mail but have supplied paris with the card info via email, and by then they have given her a 20,000 credit limit, and it’s already been sent on buying Benji Madden another tattoo, and her dog “tinkerbell”(?) another diamond necklace.

that’s how it will go down.

the USPS on green bandwagon?

the no postage required envelopes have been a little hard to come by these days, i think it might be b/c i’m away at school, and all the credit card offers, and nonprofit donation envelopes are being sent to my home in PA. but that will all change soon as i graduate, reluctantly move back home for (one week at the most!), change all of my addresses and my childhood identity and move to DC. once that happens, i’m sure i’ll be swimming in free envelopes and addresses.

but i found this on the internets: the USPS (my beloved) is kickstarting a new recycling program where people can pick up envelopes at their local post office and send in ink cartridges, PDAs, cellphones, digital cameras, or iPods to be recycled. all the cartridges or small electronics are processed by Clover Technologies Group where it is either refurbished or scrapped for parts. The group has a “zero waste to landfill” policy, so there’s a concerted effort to recycle everything.

Press Release Here

“As one of the nation’s leading corporate citizens, the Postal Service is committed to environmental stewardship,” said Anita Bizzotto, chief marketing officer and executive vice president for the Postal Service. “This program is one more way the Postal Service is empowering consumers to go green.”

The Postal Service recycles 1 million tons of paper, plastic and other materials annually. Last year, USPS generated more than $7.5 million in savings through recycling and waste prevention programs. The nation’s environmental watchdog, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has awarded the Postal Service eight WasteWise Partner of the Year awards, the agency’s top honor

it’s nice to hear that even though the very business and industry of the USPS is paper goods -one of the most recycled, but also most wasted – they are working towards being as environmentally friendly and sustainable as can be. certainly with computers, email, the internet, etc. mailing through the postal service is becoming a less and less frequently used service, they are undoubtedly losing money. things look to be on an imminent downward decline for the USPS, i mourn the day they may have to go out business. so they could have chosen to not put in the funds or effort to recycle and use resources effectively, but this press release makes me appreciate that while they are losing because of the capitalist globalization model, they are not necessarily following the same business model of cutting costs, and maximizing profits. they are keeping customer interests, as well as the larger environmental sustainability in mind, perhaps even at the expense of costs and profits.

the basic purpose of this blog… just better articulated

End Junk Mail Forever

written by The Naib on July 24, 2007

Most people don’t think about it but all that junk mail that gets sent to you has to go someplace. Most of us throw it away, some of us recycle it, but either way we are paying to dispose of it. Some communities pay to have their trash taken away, others use a tax system, and still others require that you pay for the right to use a dump. Even if you recycle the junk mail, you are still paying. Recycling in most communities is paid for the same way trash collection is.

Besides all the money it costs you, companies that make junk mail are wasting paper, wasting ink, wasting power to create the junk mail, wasting gas to send the mail to you, and wasting your time when you have to sort it out of the mail. So how can we make this madness stop? How can we stop junk mail?

You have just forwarded all the cost of disposal onto the junk mailer. They will have to pay someone (or run some machine) to open your mail, and then pay to dispose of the confetti that falls out. They also have to pay the postage on this garbage. Not only is this a fun game, the more junk mail you get the fatter you can stuff the little return envelopes. I have stuffed entire catalogs into credit card return envelopes. Use some tape to keep it shut, the fatter the envelope the more the post office will charge the junk mailer.

There is also no reason you cant send the junk mail that didn’t come with a return envelope back to the junk mailer that did send you one. In this way you can send the Pottery Barn catalog back to Visa, and the coupon book back to MasterCard. If each and every one of us moves the cost of junk mail back to the junk mailers we can impose millions of dollars in “fines” on them each year. Imagine how much it is going to cost them to dispose of millions of pounds of scrap paper each year.

On October 20, 2007 kanling wrote:

You also want to call the catalogs and change your address. Change the address to that of other catalog companies. (Heck, some of the customer service people are so poorly trained, that you can often change your address to that of the same catalog company you are calling!)

The Sietch comes from one of Frank Herbert’s Dune books, meaning “a place of sanctuary in times of danger”, it’s an online community that enlightens and educates about world problems such as climate change, sustainability, and recycling. most of the posts are about what we, as ordinary people, can do or change to make a bigger, overall impact upon the well-being of our earth.