when is sex done?

sent:

RealityHealthCheck: How do You Tell When Women Are Done With Sex?

reasoning:

at first, it seems like an easy: sex is over when the male ejaculates. that’s certainly the answer the mainstream media subscribes to -> i’m not even referring to porn, but soap operas, ‘adult’ shows, and anything coming-of-age related. this was a discussion DF and i had frequently, and perhaps part of the reason why i’ m still attached to him -> i’ve never been able to have such an honest talk with anyone else.  for him, male ejaculation declaringsex to be over was the biggest fallacy, and we had a very open exchange of pain/pleasure and animalism/human. but the female orgasm is a tricky thing. and the concept that sex ends with orgasm may be even trickier or more complex to articulate.

But often enough in your sex life, you’ll probably find that reaching orgasm once, for you or your partner, doesn’t automatically turn off your or their desire for more sex or other kinds of physical intimacy.

the quest for multiple orgasms seems to be the trophy prize at the end of a sexual conquest, some people think one orgasm: gold medal. multiple orgasms: the stanley cup. but its really to each its own. as Heather Corinna writes, much more eloquently in her post, sex is more than the physical, but about the parties involved verbalizing what each wants: whether they are satisfied or want to continue for more. maybe the intensity of the first is all you need, or maybe the push for multiple orgasms is for the sole pleasure of one partner. this, of course, can get convoluted by the faking of orgasms, you only have to watch When Harry Met Sally to see how easy it is.

Sometimes, we just aren’t connecting enough physically or emotionally to continue with sex, we get distracted and lose the mood, or just aren’t feeling well or energetic, even if we really wanted to be sexual at first.

i’ve been trying to separate the emotional from the physical in sex b/c i’ve been on the receiving end of ‘no emotional attachment’ so many times, as much as i know i’m setting myself up for pain and failure, i’m determined to be the person who seeks sex out for personal physical pleasure (the 3 P’s!). what i’ve written above about the importance of connecting during sex isn’t contrary to my mission but rather demonstrates why i’ve been having a hard time making it happen. maybe i watch too many romantic comedies and/or maybe i haven’t slept around enough. drunken hookups are a whole other bag. i don’t expect romantic, long relationships from sleeping with someone, i think my fault is i want at least a friendship. we’ve shared this intimate moment, and no matter how raw or animalistic it was, at the end, we’re still human so let’s at least acknowledge what happened. i ’m the girl who still expects a phone call the next day. 

 

UPDATE: Missing 12 year old girl FOUND

just got word that Tatjana has been found (ALERT: Missing 12 Year Old Girl in Columbia Heights).  i’m happy to hear that she is safe and back with her family. one listserv email writes: ”Thank you for you support and prayers and willingness to spring into action working with limited info… I know this has been a trying time for her family. If there are any more developments I’ll be sure to pass them along.”

when i first posted the missing alert, i tried to look for more sources other than emails and neighborhood blogs for more information. but multiple searches in the Washington Post or other news sources came up empty. and even now that emails say Tatjana has been found, there are no details about what happened, or where she was found. its scary to think that so many go missing each day, it no longer warrants a news story, not even a mention on the side column.

Questions for Ellen John Sirleaf

sent:

NYTimes Magazine: Madame President

What does that say about the inherent character of men? [referring to the young Liberian boys who raped an 8-year old Liberian refugee in Phoenix, AZ]: I just think that unless you have that cohesiveness in the family unit, the male character tends to become very dominant, repressive and insensitive. So much of this comes also from a lack of education. As more men become more educated and women get educated, teh value system has to be more enhanced and the respect for human dignity and human life is made better.

If women ran the world, would wars still exist? No. I think it would be a better, safer and more productive world. A woman would bring extra dimension to that task – and that’s a sensitivity to humankind. It comes from being a mother.

But if women had the power, they would be more likely to acquire the negative traits that breed power, like selfishness and territorialism.  It would take a very long term of women absolutely in power to get to the place where they became men.

reasoning:

the stripped down, basic feminist slant is too obvious here: the physical differences mean an inherent psychological, mental difference, the venus vs. mars argument. its a bit troublesome that the NYTimes, already well-accused and known for its liberal, ‘radical’ bias, ends this article with “INTERVIEW HAS BEEN CONDENSED AND EDITED”, but its still telling that the leader of Liberia believes in the inherent differences between men and women, and that they affect government and societal operation.

much of Sirleaf’s words about the nature of female leadership reminds me of Justice Sotomayor’s infamous “Wise Latina” comment. it’s not just being a parent that brings out a certain humanity and “sensitivity to humankind’,-> it’s being a mother. she continues by saying the differences are so stark, even if women ruled the world, it’d take us a ‘very long term’ [which i'm thinking means thousands of years], to get to the level of deep problems and ’inherently’ dangerous cycles of injustice, and conflict we have today in a world that has been ruled and dominated by men. Sirleaf’s comments are indeed inflammatory and easily offensive that she treats the inherent different nature of men and women so superficially. But she does bring in the importance of the family unit, and literacy. she is railing against men as the source for why the world and  society/culture are the way they are today. but moreover, i think she’s calling for a better and stronger education across the board.

temper trap – sweet disposition

sent:

reasoning:

i’ve had this song on repeat ever since i saw the movie 500 Days of Summer. i believe it was the music of the opening credits, and as soon as I heard it, i knew i was going to like the movie.  part of the reason i love semi-dramatic films, tv shows, reality shows (Laguna Beach, The Hills) is because they have soundtracks. whenever you’re just having an awful time, and you’re walking through your office or on the street with this numb feeling, i’ve always wanted some ‘nobody understands me’ song  start playing. on Laguna Beach, whenever a revelation is revealed of someone getting dropped or screwed over, a song of ‘why does life hurt? why don’t people think of me” begins, and i LOVE that. short of me carrying around a boombox with an unlimited music selection, or suddenly breaking into song, it’d be wonderful and comforting and not creepy at all to have a sympathetic, understanding song begin playing. perhaps this is why people get iPods. i’m not a big fan of earplugs though – i don’t want to constantly be plugged in for when a ‘bad’ moment arises for me to say ‘oh, sweet disposition by temper trap would be great right now!’ but i digress. add this to the soundtrack of my life/songs for moments that make me want to become better than myself

ALERT: Missing 12 Year Old Girl in Columbia Heights

one of the girls involved in the Young Women’s Drumming Empowerment Project has gone missing. Her name is Tatjiana Tibbs. She also goes by Alexis. Last seen in the upper columbia heights area of nw, around 14/16 Sts and park rd/north of park Ed. 12 yrs old, 5′4″, 145lbs. Last seen wearing White sneakers, jeans and blue and white printed Asian-style top.

a “community” sweep in Columbia Heights is being coordinated for tomorrow. Please keep an eye out and spread the word. the MPD report number is #116698 and you can call either 202-727-9099 or 202-576-6768 if you see or hear anything.

facebook note

Girls Rock! DC, 9:30 Club

sent:reasoning:

what an empowering and ultimately inspiring show. more about Girls Rock! DC and to donate money/time/equipment here

more pictures of the show here, Meaghan Gay publicity stills here

at one point, a counselor shouted “didn’t you wish we had something like this when we were young?” YES, how i wish i did.

Zoey: Lost and Found

sent:

Washington Post: Search Underway for Missing Police Dog Zoey, followed by Missing Pr. George’s Police Dog Zoey Is Found

reasoning:

Aww Zoey! yeah it’s ironic that zoey was a search & rescue dog, and when she slipped out of her collar and ran away, Prince George police had to conduct their very own “search and rescue” for her. if alanis morrisette’s “ironic” really had lyrics with such straight irony, zoey’s story would make for a good line. i wonder what she was doing those 6 days she was ‘on the run’ -  working on her continued escape plan, foraging for berries and small squirrels to eat? perhaps she was ‘missing’ for so long b/c she is a search & rescue dog, so she knows how not to be found. maybe she felt trapped and did not want to escape from the police life -> where is PETA when you need them to take on a good kidnapping case?  or perhaps Zoey wasn’t thinking any of this at all b/c she’s just a dog, a wild animal. my friend AHH once had her beloved dog, Razor, slip out of his collar and run away, she recounts the time as being absolutely scary. luckily and happily, Razor and Zoey are back safe. onward to more days of sniffing and running around.

Jack Daniel’s Master Distiller Jimmy Bedford passes away

sent:

NY Times: Jimmy Bedford, Guardian of Jack Daniel’s, Dies at 69

reasoning:

 despite my aspirations to become a full-fledged bartender, i still have trouble ordering drinks. i never know what to get – what drinks are  common knowledge (a manhattan), and which are specialty (a negroni). when i first started drinking, it didn’t take long for me to get over vodka. after a couple of shots of it in some college dorm room, i was done. i understand the appeal in making a drink alcoholic without tasting the alcohol: after some rough whiskey or goldschlager stints, i distinctly remember ordering cosmos for a week straight, plus sometimes you just need to drink out of a martini/cocktail (so you feel like you’re drinking alcohol, so you feel like you’re an adult -> probably a combination of both).

after i decided i was ‘too cool’ for vodka, i turned towards other spirits. i like alcohol that you can actually taste. perhaps Lil said it best in coyote ugly when a bar patron asked, “So, basically you have…?”, she responded with “, Jack, Johnny Red, Johnny Black, and Jose; all my favorite men. You can have it any way you like it, as long as it’s in a shot glass.” <- a woman after my own heart. but a bar that only serves alcohol in shot glasses and no water is another story, not to mention completely unrealistic – somehow hollywood had to exaggerate and glamorize the world of bars, drinking and beautiful women drinking & dancing on bars.  i’m becoming a bourbon conoisseur. in my mixed drinks wardrobe, jack and cokes have been a dependable, and comforting favorite.   jack daniel’s may evoke frat parties and witty logo t-shirts, but i attribute the bourbon as one of the first to get me interested in the world of spirits. i have a deep admiration for spirit distillers. a toast to Jimmy Bedford: Thank you, sir, for making Jack look and taste the way it does.

Senate Approves Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court, 68 to 31

sent:

Washington Post: Senate Votes 68 to 31 to Confirm Sonia Sotomayor to Supreme Court

reasoning:

really cool graphic sent over the Emily’s List listserv. its a striking visual that goes beyond the superficial arguments of Affirmative Action in terms of gender, or race and the uproar of Sotomayor’s “Wise Latina” comment. Just looking at what the implications of this image mean, and how this may be the start of a change in the make-up of the Supreme Court, once some Justices start dying or resigning, is incredibly exciting.