maybe even cute and cuddly can’t save us…

recipient:

Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services/PO Box 396/Harleysville, PA 19438-9902

sent:

Slate First Housing Bust, Now Baby Bust article, penned by Daniel Gross

reasoning:

Something that separates the North/South, rich/poor dichotomy in terms of population rates is that in industrial societies, most people have the option to choose how many children to have and when, whereas in developing areas, children are just as much created out of love, and to build families, but can also be another source of income for the parents. in the US, having more children is seen as being more expensive than for family sustainability. there’s probably some relevance to our child-labor laws, and mandatory schooling till 8th or 12th grade for each child. like the trends in Italy and Russia (recently Putin offered a significant chunk of money to couples to have a baby in the coming year), despite the 2006 Washington Post reports, the American birth rate appears to be slowing down and decreasing.

estelle – american boy

recipient:

JANE/PO Box 37696/Boone, IA 50037-2696

sent:

they really need to get on the cheap, miniature, disposable video technology so i can start sending these out.

estelle – american boy video

reasoning:

while the glorious JANE has now folded, Estelle would have been right up their alley, perhaps as a “current loves”. Kanye West is not overbearing, the “american boys” are cute, and i like how estelle sings and moves. She’s London-born, but now relocated to NYC.  and she’s done some awesome work with John Legend (who’s in the video), Mark Ronson, Will.i.am, and of course Mr. West. Perhaps the patriotism of this memorial day is getting to me, this is definitely one of my newest music finds and obsessions. From her website: “Where Senegal meets London and hops the pond. Where funk shimmies up against reggae and R&B. Somewhere out of this world is where you’ll find Estelle.”

gossip detox

recipient:

Meyer and Associates/18 Washington Avenue/Chatham, NJ 07928-9903

sent:

Gossip Detox: 12 steps for reclaiming your life from tabloids, article in the now defunct JANE magazine.

1. I admit that I’m powerless over gossip and the constant onslaught of TMZ, US Weekly and even CNN (the Celebrity News Network). I recognize that these “news” outlets aren’t going to slow in their gossip coverage anytime soon, so I must gain control of my own consumption.
2. In doing so, I will avoid trigger places – like nail salons, and long grocery checkout lines
3. I will look to higher powers, such as This American Life’s Ira Glass, PBS newsman Jim Lehrer and Christiane Amanpour (who recently got a Smith honorary degree)
4. If I do find myself on People.com, I will close the window, admit my mistake, and not follow up with a dose of Hollyscoop or Defamer
5. I will take a searching moral inventory of the powerlessness I feel in my own life that makes me enjoy judging Paris, Lindsay and Britney
6. I will admit that a paparazzo disguising himself to photograph a celebrity is a stalker, and that when I look at those photos, I become a stalking accomplice
7. I will humbly ask that my roommate watch E! True Hollywood Story in her own room
8. I will make a list of persons I have wronged with inane questions like, “How on earth does Wilmer Valderamma get all those hot girls?”
9. Then I will make amends to those people however possible, using conversation starters like, “So, what’s your carbon footprint?” instead
10. I will seek a sponsor, prefereably one with a degree in 18th century literature or medieval studies
11. I will seek, through meditation and online chess game, the consciousness that is required to pay attention to things like art festivals and gallery openings rather than what shower gifts Jennifer Garner received, or how much Ashlee Simpson’s nose job cost
12. Guided by this spiritual awakening, I will start my own Website devoted to gossip about politicians, religious leaders, and the entire royal bloodline of Austria – but haven’t we gotten to a point where politicians and religious leaders are just as much tabloid fodder as are the movie stars?

who hasn’t seen this picture?

reasoning:

ah, celebrity gossip. no matter how intellectual, cultural, or technologically advanced, modern societies and countries can’t seem to get away from gossip and people who are famous for just being famous.  I don’t watch Entertainment Tonight or the Insider, I don’t buy Star or UsWeekly, but yet I know about J.Lo’s twin pregnancy, and Katie Holmes’ new haircut.  WHY?!?!  somehow even those 3 minutes in the checkout line, you can absorb so much information just from simple headlines.  some have protested against why celebrities get so much attention, if we stopped buying into those media outlets, then even the paparazzi would have to stop staking out their apartments, restaurants and all the hot clubs.  the paparazzi/celebrity culture is ridiculous, from both sides : the celebrities, and the cameraman, tabloids, and readers who pursue them.  Princess Diana is a good example. sadness.   while I don’t actively go out to seek the gossip, it’s all around, and difficult to avoid. as much as i hate it, i’ve also provided links to those very gossip websites and blogs. too alluring… can’t stay away.

i like the replacement therapy suggestions, some substitutes for your gossip vices:

• “stars… They’re just like us” -> Harper’s Index
• The Insider -> Thirty-minute phone call to Grandma
• Perez Hilton -> Scrabble
• Angelina Jolie -> Charity work, like saving a super cute puppy

I guess the ultimate advice is to get your own life, go out, do you own thing, and all the focus and concentration on how “celebrities” live their lives, will fall to the wayside.  semi-satirical/semi-truthful, oh how I will miss JANE magazine so.

sailor jerry, philadelphia

recipient:

ATTENTION: Consumer Sales Department/Fallon Community Health Plan/PO Box 15121/Worcester, MA 01615-9831

sent:

Business card of Sailor Jerry, a vintage tattoo clothing store in Philadelphia

reasoning:

junior year at Smith, puccacharm’s then-bf AF, who had gone to school for set-design in Oregon, and was currently living in Vermont and working at a paint store, introduced my fellow rum-and-coke lovers to Sailor Jerry’s 92 proof navy spiced rum.  I’m not a huge fan of the R-and-C’s, too sweet and alcoholy, but Sailor Jerry is delicious.

“Sailor Jerry” was this old-americana tattoo artist named norman collins who primarily worked in hawaii, and pioneered the kinds of images, needles, and color pigments used in the industry today. he used hospital-sterilization techniques, and single-use needles to ensure the health and safety of the tattooee and himself, while not compromising on the art or detail in his art. his work has a strong nautical theme, but come to think of it, it may be his work that is considered or viewed as “nautical” when we think of the word today, it’s almost a which came first, nautically-themed clothing, like this 2007 D&G men’s line, or Sailor Jerry’s tattoos. He had a long history as an actual sailor in the navy, and with his tattoo work, was a staunch advocate for professionalism and craft. While he regarded tattoos as ”the ultimate rebellion against “the Squares”, he also heavily criticized “flashy” tattoo artists like another American tattoo godfather, Lyle Tuttle, for “hippie tattoo culture”.  Sailor Jerry -> serious badass all-around that, without waxing the cheesy memorial day patriotic speak, is a major influence in a considerable part of real american culture. tattoos, drinking, rum, the navy, converse chucks – he’s in there.

Fast forward to about a year later, when my friend, another SL, said she wanted to spend memorial weekend in Philadelphia, I checked out eat.shop.philadelphia from the local library and came across a listing for a Sailor Jerry’s store in center city Philadelphia. Looking on their website, all the clothes are made right in philadelphia, and the rum is distilled in the Virgin Islands.  there’s some particularly cute items, i particularly covet the Swallow Sailor Hoodie, the Rocked Peacoat, and the Tiger Babydoll Dress. these are the items i imagine myself wearing when i’m a rocker bartender in the city. but there’s also his Flash Tattoo Books, Hold Fast Baby Onesie, and Sailor Jerry Zippo Lighter. omg, can’t wait to go and possibly buy some of it.   consumerism is just as american.

how to spend the $ the gov’t sends you

recipient:

Plan Administrator/8420 W. Bryn Mawr, Suite 700/Chicago, IL 60631-9874

sent:

if small videos were cheap and disposable, i’d be sending this:

reasoning:

I got my tax rebate back, it’s not much, i’m still going to have to budget for what i want to do with it, instead of just lamely putting it into my bank account. i was claimed as a dependent so i won’t be receiving the economic stimulus check, but if i were, that in addition to my tax rebate, here are some things i’d probably do with the money

1. ticket to Coachella
2. roadtrip!
3. travel abroad program
4. gym membership
5. donate to charity
6. downpayment on a used car
7. first months rent on an apartment
8. pay back student loans
9. put in high-interest yield savings account to bail me out when I spend too much trying to get all the previous stuff

has anyone gotten theirs yet – tax rebate or economic stimulus check? any grand schemes with what to do with it?

classroom teaching

recipient:

American Express/PO Box 31511/Salt Lake City, UT 84131-9934

sent:

Margaret Edson(‘83) 2008 Smith College Commencement Address

reasoning:

I finally graduated this Sunday, a day I honestly thought would never come, there were too many times when I considered dropping out, taking a year off, packing up and leaving. so that sunday, may 18th came, and i was allowed to sit in on commencement exercises, my name was in the booklet, and there was a diploma with my name on it, was amazing.

margaret edson’s commencement address started off slow, with almost too many dramatic pauses, probably given that she wrote Wit and is a kindergarten teacher.

Here’s an excerpt. from all the previous commencement speeches i’ve read, it definitely takes a fresh, different… and welcome approach.

We bring nothing into the classroom — perhaps a text or a specimen. We carry ourselves, and whatever we have to offer you is stored within our bodies. You bring nothing into the classroom — some gum, maybe a piece of paper and a pencil: nothing but yourselves, your breath, your bodies.

 Classroom teaching produces nothing. At the end of a class, we all get up and walk out. It’s as if we were never there. There’s nothing to point to, no monument, no document of our existence together.

   But the work you graduates have done was in the classroom with your teachers.
That’s the miracle of today.
Why don’t we talk about it?
Because it doesn’t show up.
There’s not a bar graph for classroom teaching. There’s no data for classroom teaching, and yet it persists this year and the next year and the year after that.

 But the reality that is neither shouting nor training is classroom teaching.
Nobody can touch it because nobody can point to it.
You have it forever.
When it grows inside you, it’s doing its work.

“I hope for the best”

this, even more so than the Matt from Matt & Kim video {see true success is health insurance} exemplifies to me one of the main cruxes and reality of the healthcare problem in the united states today.  somehow the stereotype still exists that only poor people, or people on welfare can’t afford to have it, but it’s so many more people, different types of people who are working and who are successful by any American standards.  a lot of the attempts towards universal healthcare have the companies providing healthcare options for their employees, but what about the single, independent business owners for whom providing healthcare for themselves, and their 2-3 employees may be too expensive and costly?

when maxwell, awesome independent clothing designer, says he has to avoid getting hurt or sick b/c he doesn’t have health insurance and hospital visits are too expensive, that’s telling of how precarious a situation so many people and their families face.  it must be stressful for parents to watch their kids, and make sure they don’t hurt themselves too much b/c they can’t afford to go to the hospital. 

bruises, broken arms, colds, and ear infections are a natural part, a seeming rite-of-passage, of childhood, have to be avoided, and kids must stay inside in front of the TV in hermetically sealed bubbles is sad. maybe it’s not that extreme, but being afraid to let kids be kids, or to live life because an injury or sickness might realistically set you back, and put you in financial debt, is sad.

if somehow we could figure out a way similar to how the europeans do it, where everyone is covered, you can go to any hospital, and any doctor, perhaps also take some dependence off prescription drugs, get rid of medical malpractice, then america could really live up to being one of the most wealthy countries in the world that actually takes care of its citizens. that argument always comes up, if we have the most money, but yet something like people’s health isn’t covered, where’s all the money going? right now – probably the war effort, but even there, veterans need healthcare, the cases at walter reed, and the number of soldiers coming back with PTSD are huge, and despicable. the iraq war veterans, the children, the single independent business owners, SiCKO – it should not have come to this point.

takashi murakami

recipient:

Castle “The Window People”/109 Gaither Drive, Suite 309/Mt. Laurel, NJ 08054-9968

sent:

Blurb written by Marc Jacobs honoring Takashi Murakami as TIME’s 100 Most Influential People in the World

Some lines from Jacobs about Murakami:

“When I first saw Takashi Murakami’s work, I smiled and wondered, Where did this explosion come from? Who was responsible for this collision of psychedelia, manga and, well, art? So I emailed him. and Before long, there he was, standing in my Paris office, wearing his round, wire-rimmed glasses, skeleton-print T-shirt, baggy short pants, and a sort of samurai pony-tail. He looked like a coolskater kid, an enternal teenager. How we would proceed in our collaboration was set forth by Takashi. Our first agreed-upon work was a straightforward interpretation of Vuitton’s traditional monogram. What had once been set in a brown with gold symbols was now alive in 33 clashing colors against a jet black or optic white background. Our collaboration has ebeen and continues to be a monumental marriage of art and commerce. The ultiamte crossover – one for both the fashion and art history books.”

reasoning:

when i first saw the vuitton bags with the Murakami interpretation, i thought they were borderline dooney & bourke and clownish.  the work of Takashi Murakami is awesome, it’s insane, it’s chaotic, you feel like you must be trippin’ on magic mushrooms that surround the moss, jellyfish eyes, and ball-shaped creatures. but the union of Murakami and vuitton seemed weird to me.  apparently marc Marc Jacobs commissioned the Japanese artist to reinvent or temporarily take over the LV appearance. 

suddenly bags like this were popping up everywhere.  much like the vera bradley paisley bag phenomenon, i wondered whether people overlooked some of the ridiculousness of the bags for the sake of the name.  i think vuitton definitely brought the murakami name to a larger audience, because other than if you were into japanese modern art, his name was definitely not out in the mainstream.  but yet people bought the bags, perhaps b/c it was vuitton, and it was cute – about $2000 cute.  unless i had the money to buy 2 bags, i would spend the money on the one with the original logo, print and coloring, it should at least look expensive.  somehow the murakami’s seem way to easy to counterfeit. but to each its own, i guess, in ways of advertising, in promotion, in consumption, and style.

vacay with the Vanderbilts and Oprah

recipient:

O, The Oprah Magazine/PO Box 7186/Red Oak, IA 51591-0186

sent:

Guide to The Breakers, and a map of Newport, Rhode Island

Reasoning:

this is the first vacation i’ve ever really had, where i’ve felt like i’m on vacation.  i guess all my other times i’ve been with my parents, or i’ve had books, school, and impending work to think about.  but this has been the first time where i’ve felt like i could really relax, for more than 2 days. it’s an amazing feeling, i want to get a job where i’ll work hard, but make enough money to take time off to do this. again. on, if anything, a bi-annual basis.

The Breakers are the most famous of all the Newport, Mansion.  it was built for Cornelius Vanderbilt II, great-grandfather to Anderson Cooper. it’s an amazing house, just talking the tour makes it hard to deny that money can buy you fabulous things, and it made it just a bit harder to hate rich people because while the Vanderbilts lived well, they earned that money, worked hard during their life, and gave considerably.

The mansion was built by Richard Morris Hunt in 1893, it took just over 18 months to complete, and has 70 rooms.  the coolest part are the two levels in the back of the house that open up to the atlantic ocean. Amazing.

We want to have a Smith reunion there, where we’d throw a grand ball in the front lobby, and invite everyone we’ve ever met to sleep in the gabillion beds, and then take bikes and rollerblades around the second floor hallway, that circles around the first floor ballroom, turning it basically into a roller rink track. the butler used to give the children the silver serving trays, so they could ride down the stairs, we’re going to do that, too.

I think Oprah should do a travel show to Newport, she can eat some Quahog clams, dance on the pier, shop in all the boutiques with $500 dresses, and then Anderson Cooper, who has an almost disturbingly remarkable resemblance to his great grandfather, can give her a tour of his family’s summer home.

all useless

Recipient:

TIME/ PO Box 61120/Tampa, FL 33661-1120

Sent:

List of useless facts I found on the ground

• Giraffes and rats can last longer without water than camels
• the dot over the letter “i” is called a tittle
• The ZIP in “ZIP code” means Zoning Improvement Plan.
• John Wilkes Booth’s brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln’s son.
• Slugs have four noses.
• By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
• China has more English speakers than the United States.
• Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

Reasoning:

After a finals week from hell, my last one ever, I’m relaxing like never before in a quaint little summer house in Newport, RI, spending ridiculous amounts of money on seafood, drinking all the cheap beer I can, and sleeping on the beach. I still have a 5 pg to write for my Amherst Human Rights class, but after writing over 40 pgs for my other classes, i think i can handle that. hopefully.

I’m in such a ridiculously lazy mode that I dont think i can do anything academic anymore, as much as I do love and enjoy it when I am… thus, list of useless knowledge.

i’ve sent it to TIME magazine b/c maybe the person on the other side will get a chuckle out of it. and though their paths may never meet, maybe he/she could pass this list onto Joel Stein who could write an amazing op-ed piece on the cheesy commodity and joy we find in lists, especially lists of useless facts.

i heart joel stein. he recently wrote an op-ed piece called “my taco with tancredo” that describes his lunch interview with congressman Tom Tancredo from Colorado, who recently tried to run for President, but had to drop out early from the race because his only platform was anti-immigration. he hates illegal mexican immigrants, but he loves having mexican food.

apparently even republicans are complex and contradictions. i’m sure joel stein could do something genius with giraffes, john wilkes booth’s brother, and quicksand.